Fall Dodgeball - Week Seven: Champions.

Goodness gracious, we finally done did it.

After what feels like an endless string of seasons where we either lost early in the playoffs or reached the championship match only to walk away empty-handed, we can at last say that we are the champs. It wasn't an easy road to the title, but that only served to make the final victory that much sweeter. It was hard-fought all the way, but we turned up the heat when we needed to, and continued to play with the vigor and enthusiasm that spurred our season-ending streak of seven straight wins.

It was said streak that allowed us to stroll into the venue with confidence on Monday night, but I think we all knew this wasn't going to be a walk in the park. We were certainly feeling ready, but we had been plenty prepared for the playoffs before, only to be struck down by the frigid chill of defeat. Not this time.

Our first match was against a team who we had bested earlier in the season, but if I recall correctly, it had been far from a blowout. They have a solid squad across the board, and definitely rival us in size-per-dude ratio. Wisely, we came out blazing, taking an early lead and not stopping to catch our breath until it was mathematically impossible for them to take the lead. Even then, we had a hard time letting up in the slightest. When the final whistle blew, we found ourselves on the winning side of an 8-2 score.

As is often the case when it comes to the scheduling of the playoff brackets, we found ourselves with 40 minutes of downtime between games. I took the time to go out to my car and pound the rest of the No Fear energy drink I had started on the way to the gym, and also to watch The Green Team (our steady rivals for the past year or so) win their first game of the night. I had an inkling that we would face them before the night was through, so I studied their lineup and began to pick apart their weaknesses, of which they have few. I finally decided to just go with my usual plan of throwing the ball as hard as I can, as often as I can. But we had one more team to get past before I could put my plan in action.

Our next match was against the team that beat us in our first game of the season, who we hadn't played against since. While they took us out fairly decisively some seven weeks ago, I think we all felt we had not only the momentum, but also the raw animal desire to both walk away with the W and heartlessly crush their dreams in the process. Almost fully rested after our lengthy break, we came out and took the first four games, only to have them fight right back and tie it at four apiece. This clearly would not stand, so we decided to stop dicking around and won the next four before the whistle blew. Suddenly, we found ourselves in familiar territory: The Championship Game against The Green Team.

I think I can say with brash certainty that this was a match we'll all be telling our grandchildren about. Through twelve games, we went back and forth, each team digging deep and never letting the other get too far ahead. With the match tied 6-6, we all knew we were running short on time. While Team Awesome was once a squad not known for handling pressure situations well, I think we made it clear on Monday night that we have matured in every facet of our game, but especially when it comes to the ones that mean the most. We took command, channeling our last bits of energy into the thrust behind each throw.

The score on the official site reads 8-6, but I think it may have been 9-6, because I remember thinking during the last game that there was no way they could tie us. And if it was 7-6 going into that one, that wouldn't have made sense. Either way, here's the final game of our championship season, and the mild celebration that immediately followed.

I think we were all to exhausted to whoop and holler too much, or maybe we were just playing it cool. For me, it didn't really sink in until they presented us with the championship complimentary food card for the sponsor bar. $65 worth of free Mexican grub split eight ways? That's when you know you've hit the big time.

A great end to a great season, and we even made nice with a bunch of opposing players, which felt really good. I hope we can keep that going next season. I can see how we (some of us, at least) can come off as jerks sometimes, so it's nice to shake some hands and throw in an extra "Good game." And it was a damn good game, because we finally won the very last one of the season. These are truly the glory days, and I will savor them. Final standings are here. We are the team at the top. Oh, how it feels glamorous to type those words.

I'm expecting to hear about our championship rings and victory parade any day now.

And check out my teammate Erin's blog for more photos, including the one up top there that I stole from her. I'm going to try and post more videos of our games soon, as I have a bunch that I haven't posted here. Be patient. I'll get it together.

Bilton Using My Sneakers as a Pillow: Part Four in an Ongoing Series.

The shoes: Nike Air Tech Challenge Retros in the purple/orange colorway.

The Bilton: A puffball of sleepy bliss. And possibly an Agassi fan.

Fall Dodgeball - Week Six: How to Win a Dodgeball Game in 44 Seconds.

Actually, more like 34.

My, we looked sharp this week. Case in point: check this video of one of our masterful victories. Get in, get out. Don't even give the opponent a chance to strike. Textbook execution.

It seems our habit of starting slow and gaining momentum has morphed from a nightly turn of events into a season-long one. We once again won both our matches, bringing our season-ending winning streak to seven. It's good enough to put us into a three-way tie for first place, which gives us a first-round bye in the playoffs next week. Not a bad spot to be in, especially considering there are no dominating teams this season. Of the two teams we're tied with, we've beaten one of them twice, and narrowly lost to the other. We can take 'em. We've got the momentum.

Monday's matches were both really fun, with only a few awkward exchanges involving a spazzed-out sub who apparently couldn't feel his legs to mar an otherwise drama-free evening. We looked like a well-oiled machine out there, with all gears and cogs interlocking with a precision that must have been breathtaking to watch. It's like we're all of the same mind, and that mind has only one focus: annihilation.

I'm still fairly certain that all the other teams hate us, but I think that's mostly due to the fact that we wear black and show no mercy. Girl, guy – it matters not. I will reel back and unload a rhino-skinned bullet that will slap your leg so hard the lady at the front desk of the gym will shiver at the sound. Your teammates will offer you an ice pack. I will offer you a look so dead-behind-the-eyes that you will have no choice but to ponder just how hollow my soul really is.

Listen, ladies: I'm sorry if I knocked your uterus loose. But when you step out on the court with me, you need to understand that you're putting both your dignity and your future fertility prospects on the line. And I'm not going to apologize for that. But I'll tell you what: next time, I'll aim for your knees. Radical reconstructive surgery is preferable to never witnessing the wonder of childbirth firsthand. Can we at least agree on that?

Final standings are here.

Now leave me alone while I engage in my pre-playoff visualization techniques.

Whoah!

Methuselah rookie card!

Fall Dodgeball - Week Five: This is What I'm Talking About.

We had two solid victories this last week, and it felt damn nice. I don't have time to say much about 'em, but I was happy when I got home and realized my wife had taped the best game of the whole night.

Watch the video. You'll see me whining about a guy throwing at my head, but you'll also see some sweet moves from both sides.

And all of a sudden we're tied for second place.

Boom.

The Films of Judy Greer, Part Nine: The Specials (2000)

I really wanted to like this movie. I tried to like this movie. I did not hate this movie. But I didn't love this movie like I had hoped I might.

The idea was great (superheros with real-life problems, etc.), and it wasn't even the painfully obvious budget constraints that got me down. I just felt like the cast was strong (aside from the always painfully unfunny Jamie Kennedy), but they just weren't used right. Or the dialogue was funny on paper, but didn't translate correctly. I really don't know what it was. But it seemed like it wanted to click but didn't, and didn't move forward as you might expect a film to do. In fact, not a lot really happens.

Anyway, it just wasn't as good as I thought it would be. I heard James Gunn (the writer of the movie) on the Adam Carolla podcast a few months back and thought he was really funny, and I really liked Slither (which he also wrote), so maybe I had my hopes set too high.

Judy Greer played Deadly Girl, who's super power is apparently communicating with the dead, though we never get to see her do that. We do get to see her be a bitch while wearing a superhero outfit, and I thought that was nice.

Starting to see some recurring faces in these flicks. Jamie Kennedy was in Stricken with Ms. Greer, and Paget Brewster was in Desperate But Not Serious with her. Ah, Hollywood in the early aughts. A magical time to be making independent features.

Speaking of independent features, the next few movies are anything but. This will hurt me.

Fall Dodgeball - Week Four: Upending the Status Quo.

I gotta say, we looked better than ever on Monday night. I don't know what it was. Heck, I woke up from a deep nap about 45 minutes before game time, and felt pretty groggy all the way to the gym. But, as usual, when the balls started flying, I woke up pretty quick.

The whole team had their game faces on, and we only lost three games all night. Not bad.

The first victory was a sweet one, as the team we were playing is consistently one of our rivals from season to season. It was a decisive win, and it felt good to have it not even be close. A small personal victory. If that's petty, then I'm runnin' down a dream.

The second match was also a lopsided victory, and I think it's what we needed. A couple strong victories, and our confidence levels should be up. I'm going to take a crazy nap before our next game night. Shit's going to be nuts.

This is a fun season: no dominant teams have emerged. Three teams are tied for first; three teams are tied for second. We are one of the second placers. Standings are here.